I'm standing at the tip of a mountain; all I need is a soft push and I'll fall really hard into a big bed of roses, sweet and beautiful, like nothing I've ever experienced before. Trying to keep my balance on that tip is so exhausting, I keep tilting myself back and forth; knowing that the logical thing to do is to step back a bit, but why do I find it so difficult to? Why don't I want to? It's like I'm hanging on a thin thread and it could break at any moment.

The life which is unexamined is not worth living

I keep looking down, looking at the bed that awaits me, wishing for the thread to break, waiting for it to give me the chance to fall.

We come from the same planet, but it's like we're universes away. As if they're so alien...

There might be a few thorns here and there, but I know I'd reach for the closest sweet smelling rose to pick and smell, and that when I do, the scratch the thorn caused will seem insignificant, and will heal itself like all scratches do. If I do encounter a bed of roses filled with painful thorns and there was no going back to the sweet roses, I know that I'll remember them and won't regret the time
I spent there, for they could be the best experience of my life. Looking back with a smile could be wishful thinking, as everyone would think that I'd be too busy trying to mend the scratches, but maybe it's just what made it all worthwhile, and that's what would keep me smiling.

To be matter of fact about the world is to blunder into fantasy -- and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange and wonderful.

Could I be living this?

The poet is in command of his fantasy, while it is exactly the mark of the neurotic that he is possessed by his fantasy.

I think that I might be neurotic.

I understand the logic behind the thin thread that's holding me, but maybe being too logical could mean ceasing all. Following the heart and living experiences makes a life worthwhile.

A fantasy is a situation imagined by an individual or group, which does not correspond with reality but expresses certain desires or aims of its creator. Fantasies typically involve situations which are impossible or highly unlikely.

I think it might be a fantasy.
Let's hope I wake up from it soon, hanging on a thread is really exhausting. Rollercoaster rides can take us up and down, into an emotional hell.

This might seem like a strange update, but it's all I can think of lately and I so badly wanted to update that I just wrote about it. Only those few close ones will be able to really read through my lines.